"Why Didn't Anybody Tell Me I Looked Like An A-Hole for Forty Years?"

Hey movie fans, Gene Shalit here. I want to take it down a couple of notches and, rather than discuss my favorite and not so favorite movie picks, focus on my recent decision to change my appearance a bit.

Since I've updated my look I've received such an overwhelming response from fans, friends, family and co-workers that I'm starting to think I desperately needed it. In fact, I'm beginning to suspect that everybody but me thought I looked hideous before...which begs the question: why didn't anybody tell me I looked like an asshole for forty years? I mean I actually went on live television looking like a Vaudville ham and not a word from any of you. Do you know how many NBC interns I could have banged in my heyday if only somebody had the balls to tell me to shave that fucking caterpillar off my face? And what was with that bow-tie? I looked like Orville Redenbacher's dirty uncle. Those weren't schticks or a props - that was me trying to look cool (about as cool as cancer I've come to find).

Now, a lot of guys I thought were my closest friends are coming out of the wood-works to tell me "what a great decision I've made" and how they always thought I would look better with "a more contemporary look." YOU THINK? THANKS PALS? THANKS FOR ALL THOSE YEARS OF HONEST FEEDBACK! You know, I'm beginning to believe they wanted to keep me down so they could keep the poon-tang for themselves. And if I looked so atrocious then why did everyone encourage it further by giving me crazy bow-ties for the holidays? I recently found a Gay Rights Rainbow-tie that Matt Lauer gave me four years ago. When I asked him about it he said, "Oh, I always thought you were gay. My bad." MY BAD? And he's not the only one. I've come to find that almost everybody I polled at NBC thought I was either gay (65%), a child molester (30%) or both (5%). WHAT THE HELL? This is explains why Bring Your Kid to Work Day always took place while I was on vacation. Or why Willard Scott won't hug me...

Regardless - I'm back with an Oscar winning look and a two-thumbs up smile you can finally see.

Happy, sad and available,

-GS