Darfur Tribes Anticipating Apples by Mitchie Delishie

DARFUR, SUDAN - The buzz for Apple's iPhone seems without limits as Apple brings its revolutionary product to hundreds of Sudanese tribes in Africa.

"Everyone and their mother wants an iPhone," stated a sleepless Steve Jobs. "I've brought this region of the world something no competitor could even fathom. Now, thanks to Apple, the Sudanese people can check their email, get driving directions or listen to Bono like never before."

However, according to journalist covering the travesties of the Darfur region, these tribal communities are confused by the temporary Apple store and are lining up for what they're hoping will actually be real apples - and the promise for an American solution to their apartheid.

"These men, women and children have zero need for a $400 mobile phone," claims British journalist Sergi Sambacca. "They're seeing Apple's logo and feeling the store's air conditioning and they're thinking food and relief have finally arrived."

One only needs to watch five-minutes of the Darfur region's Apple Geniuses at work to see the company's loss of reality. During my visit I witnessed an Apple employee trying to stop a child from eating the iPhone while another explained how to use iChat to a frustrated, starved woman in search of her stolen baby.

"These people don't get it," claims Apple store manager David Boris, Darfur. "All they do is moan or reach into our pockets for food and stuff...when they should be learning what the iPhone has to offer. And don't get me started on the reaction we got from our iPod demo - just a sea of blank stares followed by chants for 'apples and peace.' We need to get the fuck out of here."

Costs aside, the average Darfur citizen has limited experience with computers not to mention AT&T doesn't service the region. To say this was a huge waste of time, money and resources would be an understatement.

"We're still working out the kinks," states AT&T service provider, Steven Polisky. "But I can tell you right now that the iPhone WILL NOT get service in Darfur...and the same applies for suburban and rural areas in the U.S., backyards, during day hours or when eight feet or more from a cell tower."

As I write this, Apple is considering shutting down its temporary Darfur location until the people of that region "get jobs or something" and can afford Apple's pricey gadgets. The store employees have given up trying to sell any merchandise and have joined the hundreds of deprived tribal communities in watching X-Men III on a G4.