ExxonMobile Launches Freakish Cartoon To Help Raise Spirits

TEXAS - To help ease motorists growing concerns for rising gas prices, ExxonMobile unveiled a friendly new mascot today that resembles a gas pump with a smile. Named "Presley the Friendly Gas Pump," the new mascot is said to roll-out later this month throughout the company's thousands of stations across North America.

"He's a lovable character," said Robert Slydon, ExxonMobile's CEO and President of North American Operations. "We truly believe that once America gets a load of Presley, their concerns for higher gas prices will fly out the window. He's just that lovable."

According to ExxonMobile's Chief Marketing Officer, Steven Crow, Presley talks in a high-pitched voice, rolls his eyes and raises his eyebrows. "This is the latest in state-of-the-art animatronics," claims Crow. "Presley is programmed with over five- hundred different phrases from 'Isn't pumping gas fun,' to 'Thirsty cars just love me!"

Skeptics abound fear Presley will only heighten consumers' frustrations over rising fuel costs and the oil industry's lack of compassion for its continuous price gouging. "What the fuck are they thinking," says Robert Murdoch, editor of Go Green. "Are they that out of touch with society to think that this will actually appease consumers?"

According to insiders, Presley's roll-out is costing ExxonMobile $80-million dollars, an expense the company says it will make up in just five minutes during peek driving season this summer.