Al Qaeda Hires Internationl PR Firm by Mitchie Delishie

In a move to streamline fear and global terror, the radical Islamic terrorist organization Al Qaeda has just announced the hiring of Goldman Rogers, the international public relations firm known for its work with Nabisco's Chip Nips, The Left Handers Association and Snuggles Softener.

"We're thrilled to add Al Qaeda to our client roaster," said, Roger Goldman, Goldman Roger's CEO and founder. "We're confident we can achieve Al Qaeda's business objectives while changing the world's perception that these guys are not just your everyday terrorist group."

Goldman Roger was one out of twelve agencies pecking at the feet of the lucrative terrorist organization. According to industry insiders, they won the business by correlating their Snuggles softener launch (in which they "took over a city" with thousands of adorably soft puppies and buildings draped in cozy blankets) to that of a massive Al Qaeda attack. The company then set its creative team into a four-hour brainstorm where Roger claims, "The real magic happened."

"Suicide bombings are so yesterday," claims Dan Pelvic, Goldman Roger's vice president and the mastermind behind the Hostess "Ho Ho-Down." "We're going to take these guys to new places, like Ellen or the Today Show. We're swimming with tactics....for example, what about a sponsored national threat. National security is hot right now. These guys make a threat and before you know it, everybody's talking. Now, what if that threat came from the new Apple iPhone or during NBC's hit series The Office? Yeah, the program practically pays for itself."

Meanwhile, industry analysts are attacking Goldman Roger, claiming this is an all-time low for PR. Michael Stack of PR Weekly states, "We've always known PR companies would sell their mothers for business, but to promote terror is simply immoral."

When asked what he thought of the criticism, Mr. Pelvic simply smiled, leaned back in his chair and said, "Sounds like our buzz campaign is already in the works."