MY LETTER TO ANGELINA JOLIE by Mitchie Delishe

Dear Angelina Jolie,

I'm hoping you'll be able to overlook the fact that I'm thirty-years old and a far cry from an African refugee with little or no chance of survival; however, despite all that, I really think I would be a great addition to your family.

So adopt me, please.

You're probably reading this right now, wondering why you should adopt a thirty-year old white male living in northern Chicago. Well, to be honest, I can think of several reasons, such as:

- I'm already grown up, so there's not much nurturing required

-I have a can-do attitude and have been known to outdo myself

-I LOVE black people! In fact, sometimes me and this black guy from work get lunch together and it's not awkward at all

-I've always wanted to go to Africa and be on the set of a major motion picture

-I can already drive, so I can run errands and pick up my adopted brothers and sisters from soccer practice

-I know magic so kids love me

-I took Tae Kwan Do in the fifth grade (2nd degree yellow belt) which makes me eligible to be both your bodyguard and oldest son

- I can cook and make sure your servants aren't stealing from you

-I come with Ikea furniture, a futon and a halogen lamp

-I sort of know CPR so if anything bad happens around our mansion there's a 50% chance that I can save somebody's life

-I'm honest and would tell you what I really think of your movies

-I'm not threatened by Brad, in fact, I often tell people and online dating sites that we look alike

-I have a cell phone, so you can always reach me

I could go on but I think you get the idea. Hopefully you would be able to look past your prejudices and realize that I need a home too (I currently rent). And if you're worried about the lack of a compassionate story for the press, I've already got that covered. Following is a brief script including narration that could be used for a 20/20 or Today Show segment:

INT. DIRTY CHICAGO APARTMENT - MORNING

The camera pans across several empty Cup-of-Noodles cups and bags of Doritos on top of a dirty kitchen counter.

The camera then glides across a filthy floor covered with dirty clothes, shoes, beer bottles and candy wrappers.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
No, this isn't a small village in Africa but it
might as well be.

Shot of me swatting a fly from my face as I lie awake on my futon.

Then a shot of my bloated belly as I brush my teeth in nothing but my boxers.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Living here is Mitchie Delishie, a thirty year
old Chicago native in desperate need of a new
home...a new life.

Shot of me mumbling to a reporter because I haven't had my first cup of morning coffee yet.

Next to me a microwave reheats a Starbucks Latte from the day before.

TRANSLATOR (V.O. with subtitles)
I guess I've rented here for over five years. I
keep telling myself that I'm going to save up for
a place of my own, but then my buddies call and
soon Im blowing all my money on Jager bombs
and late night pizza. I've really hit an all time
low. Im not sure what else I can do.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Things for Mitch seemed bleak...that is until a little
bit of "Jolie" entered his life.

Shots of you on the red carpet, clips from your movies, then you in Africa saving lives and your interview with Anne Curry on the Today Show.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
After seeing Angelina Jolie's story about her
African adoptions Mitch felt compelled to
write her a letter to tell his story...and the
the troubles that exist back home.

Shot of me writing a letter with a long quill and ink.

Then back to me mumbling as I clean the Latte that boiled over the entire microwave.

TRANSLATOR (V.O.)
She was my chariot that swept me up and gave
me a second chance.

INT. YOUR HUGE MANSION - DAY

Shot of you and me on your enormous couch back at our mansion.


ANGELINA
He's so hot! I dont know what I would do
without my little Mitchie. Just look at him,
he's so sexy! You just want to kiss him
all over

You kiss me all over and we get playful on camera.

FADE OUT:

We don't have to shoot that word-for-word but it's a start. So, what do you think? Do I make a great candidate for adoption or what? Im sure you'll need to take a few days to think about it...so take your time. Talk to Brad and if you need references I've got a few friends who could vouch for me.

I hope this letter finds you in good health and spirits. Thanks in advance for your consideration.

Fingers Crossed,

Mitchie Delishie